The formation of a man is the way from the narcissistic isolation on himself to understanding the feelings of another. Male sexuality is much wider than just sex. To be a man means to become a man, to define yourself through your attitude to your body and your feelings, to your parents, women, friends and your own children, to your masculine role in the family and society, to weakness and strength, vulnerability and responsibility. The sphere of sexuality is a personal universe, and each of us will have to invent it independently. There are no recipes and instructions, but there are patterns and common difficulties and discoveries for many of us that My Canadian Pharmacy has been analyzing for more than twenty years communicating with patients.
One of the cross-cutting ideas is that at every age a man will have to rethink his masculinity anew, answering himself to the main questions, finding a balance between his pleasure and the feelings of another, experiencing mourning for youthful ease and accepting himself in maturity. Today we will speak about six ages of “being a man”.
10-20 Years. Adolescence: Finding Yourself
Joining adolescence often causes the boy such enthusiasm and a surge of energy that it literally overwhelms him, pushing him forward to physical and mental autonomy. Teenagers experience an ambivalent feeling in which fear and delight are combined. Powerful hormonal changes, a new body and a real prospect of experiencing the first sexual contact and first love cause a deep crisis of identity. And you have to find your way, deal with yourself and the world. A teenager is a knight who speaks to win life cheerfully, with inspiration and a light heart.
20-30 Years. Youth: Confrontation with Reality
Many men find it difficult to say goodbye to youth. They are nostalgic for the ease and carelessness with which they have to part. The principle of pleasure comes into conflict with the principle of reality, and the young man is looking for how to reconcile them. He has to take responsibility for the professional choice, for his feelings and relationships. For the first time, the idea arises that the current romance will last a long time, it is possible that all his life. One of the ways of building oneself and overcoming the fear of the future is friendship with other men who serve both as a mirror and support in a collision with the world, especially since the mismatch of expectations and reality sometimes causes a depressive state. A man outgrows the “spirit of contradiction” and begins to develop his own values and views.
30–40 Years. Fatherhood: The End of Carefree Life
The prospect of becoming a father causes many to panic and dizziness, and this prospect usually becomes real after 30 years. There is a feeling of a new start, a new test: after so many efforts that it took to become a man, you need to start all over again! In addition, paternity changes the status of a man forever. Questions arise in the male unconscious: Will I remain a man, becoming a father? How to truly enter the role of a father and not just portray him? What kind of father do I want to be? The answers to these questions make a deep existential choice. Sexuality is also changing: “phallic” self-affirmation is adjacent to the first sexual difficulties, you need to have a constant dialogue with the expectant mother, to accept your fantasies related to her pregnancy, to see her and yourself in a new way. And also to cope with confusion, jealousy and a sense of personal futility in order to become part of the father-mother-child triad.
40-50 Years. Maturity: Equilibrium Point
Sometimes forty-year-old men live in anticipation of their fiftieth birthday, which they feel as the moment of loss of masculine power, mourning for omnipotence, and betrayal of the body. There are many fantasies and fears related to sex associated with this decade. Many men again become fathers in order to maintain the illusion of immortality. After forty, a man begins to truly fear old age and feels that he has to change. A new, mature personality should emerge, and some habits and behaviors will be a thing of the past. But there is a need to seduce, charm, like, to confirm your masculinity, to multiply love victories and sexual acts, to prove to yourself that the world can change at your request. The same age usually accounts for the emergence of adult relationships with your own father (“like a man with a man”) and the adoption of decisions that will determine the rest of your life.
50-60 Years. Finding Oneself: Time Speeds Up
Body changes become apparent, which can lead to hypochondria. The philosophical outlook on life and self-understanding give wisdom, courage and peace to cross the threshold of fifty years. To control yourself, to respect yourself, to affirm your way of being in the world are the main joys of this age. However, the ghost of “sexual death” often pushes men into the arms of young women. The weakening of libido and erection problems can be mitigated if you understand “being a man” more broadly than just sex.
After 60 Years. Sacred Sexuality
It is time for real sexual freedom. Attitude towards sexuality becomes more mature and happy. Sex is no longer exclusively associated with pleasure and genital contact; a spiritual dimension appears in it. One of the ways of sublimation is a new attitude towards a woman, to the feminine principle as sacred. Tenderness, touch, depth of emotional closeness in a pair come to the fore.